I honestly don’t know how you are going to make it through your hum-drum day without hearing about my dreams from last night and I’m not one to hold out on the goods so here you go.
Last night seemed to be mostly good dreams. One thing I should mention real quick is that I dream every night. I always have. I dream like a motherfucker. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t wake up having had a full night of adventures.
Okay, so last night I was entered into a karate contest. It seemed like instead of real martial arts it was more like how much you could look and act like a movie karate guy. So that’s what I did. I did like this long routine that looked pretty badass and the judges scored me and I went back to my seat. There were like 700 people there so it took forever. So anyway, when we’re done they announce the winners. There’s this platform where the top three winners are supposed to stand and it’s about 3 feet off the ground. So, they announce third place and the guy runs out of the crowd and leaps up onto the platform all cool like and everyone cheers. Second place does a similar stunt. They announce first place and lo-and-behold it’s me. So I run up, misjudge a step and end up crawling up the side of the platform with no grace or style and everyone groans. So then I’m sitting in the bed of Keaton’s truck with him and Courtney and Courtney is like “You are never gonna get laid doing shit like that.”
She’s probably right. I need to practice my karate.