Rescue

I can see the threads of my reality in the dreams I have every night. I’m sure you all can too. I’m not suggesting I am some super being or anything, I’m just setting the fucking stage, okay?

Last night I had this really awesome drama/adventure dream that I woke up totally stoked from. I believe that is the first time I have ever said “totally stoked” in my life.

For some reason I was riding my bike (motorcycle, to be clear) out in the middle of nowhere and it was getting dark. I ended up on this little back road and I had to stop. I don’t remember why. I pulled up to a tiny house, more of a cabin, or a shack to be honest and knocked, hoping they would put me up for the night. The old man answered and was very hospitable, saying I was perfectly welcome to stay the night but that he was to have company over later and I had to stay away from the living room. I couldn’t be seen there. I wasn’t one to question his hospitality so I went to the room I was shown and settled in for the night.

Later on I hear the company show up and they begin talking. It’s all very serious religion stuff. Not your normal religion, more of your crazy religious person stuff. So I lay back to ignore it. A few hours later my door opens and a girl comes in. She is, of course, beautiful and she sits down beside me and starts to talk.

She starts telling me about her parents (she’s the daughter of the house) and how they are these religious nutcases who picket funerals and burn crosses and all this crazy shit and I eventually realize she is saying that they are the family depicted in some movie that I’d seen. In the dream the movie is something that everyone would know about. It was called “The Devils Children” or something like that. So I’m like “Oh my God, you are the family from ‘The Devils Children'” and she nods yes.

If you are familiar with our local nutjobs, The Phelps’ you know who was being portrayed in this dream.

At this point I realize that if I get caught with this girl in my room I am dead so I try to get rid of her. She tells me I have to help her and that I have to come to her room with her. Don’t worry, this isn’t about to turn into a shitty porn story. It’s gonna be a good porn story. No, kidding. Okay, so we sneak to her room and she tells me I have to get her out of there. She doesn’t believe in what her parents are doing and she wants to get away but, of course, won’t let her.

So I say, okay, we are gonna bust out of here. I take her hand and we’re about to run out the door movie star style but she stops me. She pushes me into the little attached bathroom and hands me a razor. She points to my face and says “Shave.” I look at her like she’s crazy and tell her I don’t need to shave, that we need to get the fuck out of here but she insists. So I quickly shave my face and as I’m doing that she explains.

Her parents believe that people with facial hair are Satanic and they only let me in, and to stay, because they were going to kill me later. If I shave they won’t recognize me and we can just waltz out the front door and say we’re going for a ride.

So I shave and we walk out through the living room completely unmolested. She says “We’re going for a ride, be back soon” and her parents wave us off. We hop on my bike and tear ass out of there. As were burning down the dirt road leading to the little shack I look in my rear views and see that the family, and their company, has figured out the trick and they are chasing us down the road, but they are on foot. I twist the throttle, the bike surges and the freaks are left in the dust. We hit the road and drive off into the rising sun, presumably to have awesome adventures and most likely a very fulfilling sex life.

Man, that was a killer dream.

Now, you may think it would be clever of you to post your amatuer analyzations of the dream saying how I’m looking for escape from this and need affirmation of that in my life. I’ve already done all that, and it’s all true, so don’t be droll.